The Edward Elric Coma
by Please Tell Me
Summary: Edward Elric and Selim Bradly wake up. The doctors rush in and Edward asks for his younger brother, who he is informed is dead along with Winry. Ready to find a philosophers stone, which don't exist either, Ed busts out of the hospital. CRACK!
1. Chapter 1

the Edward elric coma

Edward Elric woke with a start. He asked the nurse about the I.v in his left arm. Surprised that he was awake, the nurse fainted with joy and incidentally hit the SUPER HOLY CRAP EMERGENCY! Button. Several doctors ran in. Edward demanded to see Al. they then explained that he had been in a coma for about 4 years and that Alphonse Elric had died once his soul returned to his extremely frail body. Ed could barely stand. "where's Winry?" he asked. She too had died but in a train accident when heading to central to visit Maes Hughes, who in turn was still alive. "stop yank'n my chain! When can I see Al to go find a philosophers stone!". They then told him that they didn't exist. Baffled, confused, dumbstruck, lotto ticketed, and feeling sick Edward laid back in bed and demanded that he get food now. "GET ME FOOD OR GET THE BEEP OUTTA MY ROOM BEEPIT!" The nurses rushed for adorable mini sized loaves of bread and pudding cups of chocolate flavor. Coming back with trembling eyes like they were going to cry. Putting the platter of bread and chocolate pudding on a ten foot extender, she eased it towards him. As his eyes lit with sparkles of genuine happiness, he skarfed I down and screamed "MORE!", his eyes full of fiery rage like someone lit a match in each of his eyes. An hour later he was safely asleep again.

Al quietly stepped into the hospital room. He had heard brother had come out of his coma. he was sewing him some pajamas. He wished he had some help, but brother looked like the only one who could sew in the room.

Meanwhile, Selin has just woke from his coma. He looked around. There were presents stacked to the ceiling. I've been waiting for this! Waiting for this, waiting for this!" as mr and stepped into the room, they were overjoyed to see Selin awake. Quietly took another present from the bag and handed it to Selin. Immediately he ripped off the wrapping paper and was trying the ridiculously over taped with sorrow box of sheer tape, which in the end was exacto knifed to perfection.

ed, now realizing that he absolutely did not believe a word those doctor idiots were saying. His plan would activate tonight.

Mmm kay… everything is set ed thought as he looked around for any doctors. He grabbed his brick and smashed the extra thick, sound proof, state alchemist, 15 year old who committed an alchemical taboo proof window. Sending his rope hurtling out the window, he proceeded to beat a hasty retreat before the cops showed up. Finding his extra extra elevation elevator shoes he purposely left outside. Running top speed, Ed searched for Roy mustangs house.

Upon reaching the noble Mustang house hold, Ed thought he smelled flaming couches coming from the back yard. He instead thought to go hide out in xercies with Maria Ross.

"WOW!" Selin screamed. He had just opened a huge box with a state alchemist Edward Elric plushie in it. With sparkling eyes, he pulled the string on its back. "DON'T CALL ME SHORT!" the doll said in an Edward Elricy type voice.

HUZZAH!

SOON COMING PART 2!


	2. Chapter 2

the Edward Elric coma

Al went to visit Ed. "I'm here to visit brother nurse!" said Alphonse happily because he finally finished sewing those pajamas he started back when brother was still in his coma.

"Sorry Al. He broke out. We found a broken window, which was rock proof but aperrently not brick proof, and a brick on the ground 88 floors down. All the paitents say they didn't hear an extremely loud, horrificly shattering, heart pounding, anime watching escipade taking place. they're all deaf I swear."

Alphonse stumbled out of the hospital. He then tripped over a rock which happened to be very blunt, ugly, for some reason horisontally striped, clashing colors, and wearing risky pajamas with a large slit in the leg so you could see its panties. Al leaned down and sniffed the ground.

''I've got his trail! Bwa ha ha ha ha ha ha!" He then started in the same direction Ed had come, to Roy mustangs house. Who at this very moment was calling himself an ambulence because he just burnt his nose off playing with his little fire gloves. Meanwhile Ed was...

" So Edward, hows you're day been?"

"Oh Maria, Xerxes is a great place to be!". Slightly delusional, Ed took off his shirt to play in the small puddle of filthy water he now thinks is chocolate syrup because of his heat stroke. "This puddle is great!" then he looked over at Ms. Maria Ross, who had a strange look on her face. "Whats wrong Maria?"

"Nothing, I just got the feeling Roy mustang burnt his nose off hi face playing with his silly little fire gloves. It's probletly nothing like that going on there, but I just feel like that just happened." Meanwhile Selim Bradley was...

"WOW!A state alchemist Roy Mustang doll! Not as cool as the Edward Elric one but still totally AWESOME!I love all these presents I'm getting!"

"Here Selim, open this gift from someone called 1 Selim fan."

"WOW! A life sized Edward Elric doll with 888,888,888 different threats for calling him short!And its collectors edition! 1 Selim fan, I'm your biggest fan!"

"Thats nice sweety, but we have a problem. You don't even have half your presents opened, and theres a truck out back full of huge, and dude I men HUGE, presents outside from this 1 Selim fan."

"Thats AWESOME! I LOVE YOU 1 Selim fan!"

Meanwhile Maes Hughes was...

the theme song for his favorite anime, Fullmetal Alchemist Brotherhood. " Kono omoi wo keshite shimau niwa" the words fluttered out of his mouth like a soft pink butterfly that was dipped in chocolate and served with butter. Thinking about how Edward was doing, he decided he would litterally pay him a visit. Its almost holloween... he'd take Alicecia and Gracia3 to holloween town. "O MY GOD! JACK THE RIPPER!" Meanwhile Selim was...

"WOW! A **HUGE **Edward Elric pillow!" "Whos it from Selim?" with big shining eyes Selim happily replied in a happy reply voice "1 Selim fan!''.

HUZZAH!

soon coming part 3!

**Authers note:**

**If you are a true fan and leave a nice comment, you will be put into the story under a few conditions:**

**ABSOLUTLY NO HOENHEIM FANS! I HATE HIM SO FRIGGEN MUCH! (SPOILER ALERT!) IM SO HAPPY HE DIES AT THE END OF FMA:B!**

**ALL SELIM FANS ARE TRUSTWORTHY INDIVISUALS, AND WILL FIRST-HAND PUT IN THE STORY!**

**I ALSO HATE SCAR, THE FATHER, SHOU TUCKER, 1ST GREED, , OLIVIAH ARMSTRONG, SLOTH, FUHRUR BRADLEY (NOT WRATH ALSO, JUST FUHRUR BRADLEY), AND WINRYS BOSS, SO IF YOUR A BIG OLD FAN OF THEM, YOUR ON MY DARK SIDE. MIKI CALLS ME PRIDE SOMETIMES CUZ IM SO VICIOUS.**

**MY OTHER FAVS ARE RIZA HAWKEYE, EDWARD ELRIC, ENVY,MAES HUGHES , AND PRIDE SELIMS ALTER-EGO. THIS IS THE RARE FAVS LIST THAT TAKES ALOT TO GET ONTO. (ITS STILL NOT OKAY THAT ENVY KILLED MAES, BUT I DIDN'T CRY :( )**


	3. Chapter 3

the Edward elric coma PART 3

~~~~~~~~~~~~~""""""""""""""""""""""""~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"WOW! An official Edward elric state alchemist red coat cos play thingy!"

"By god Selim, not so **BEEP** loud."

As Selim happily opened the next present, he suddenly was over joyed by the present. It just so happened to be all 5 parts of his favorite anime, Fullmetal Alchemist Brotherhood. Meanwhile Ed was...

"Ohhhh Maria! Its almost halloween! How I've always longed to go as the famous state alchemist Edward Elric for halloween! And heres the best part, no one will know its me! Mostly because I broke out of the hospital, and have been a fugitive for... 6 days."

"Alright Edward! To Amestris we go!" Meanwhile, while Ed and Maria strted on their costumes, Maes Hughes was...

"Back you heathen! I have a family! You suck jack the ripper!"

Just then he heared a strange zipper sound.

"Not jack the ripper, jack the zipper! And not jack the zipper, Its actually (sound affects show) LING YAO BABY! Taking amestris by storm with my LING YAO brand LING YAO cosplay! In no time, youll look just like me. JUST LIKE ME. **JUST LIKE ME. **juST LIke mE! BWA HA HA HA AHA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA AHA HAH HA HA HA HA HA HA AH HA HA HA HA!" meanwhile Alphonse was...

"heh heh... I'm on you trail now brother! You'llnever get away when i take you home safe and sound with Winry and granny. Mwa ha ha ha ha ha!"

Just at that very moment Al saw Roy mustang running around with chupa cabra stuck to his jugular vein. Screming lots of the f bombs, with alphonses sensored armor, it basicly sounded like this:

"AW **BEEP**IT! WHAT THE **BEEP! **IM GUNNA **BEEP**ING DIE A** BEEP**ING HORRIBLE **BEEP**ING DEATH GOD** BEEP**IT!" Meanwhile Selim was...

"WOW! A cool box of Edward Elric blond colored hair hair dye!"

It was a tall, blond, conspicuous, ominous, scary, radical, awesome, cool, terrifying, wet your pants worthy box of hair dye that Selim loved. With hair dye in hand, his mom not in the room, he snuck into the bathroom and started dying his lushous, beautiful, sleek, shiny, spiky, awesome, black hair. As he moved the dye through his hair, it dyed suprisingly easy. As his hair finished it dying process, he slipped on his cosplay outfit an started clapping and putting his little hands onto metal poles and what not pretending that he was doing alchemy. Meanwhile Ed was...

"OK Maria, we're here! so lets find alphonse!"

As edward was suddenly sinking into the earth at lghtning speed, Maria tossed him her favorite bazooka, which accidentily fired and shot Roy mustang and his chupa cabra buddy. Ed was now in a strange place, and was being pulled up throgh the sand. Suddenly all he could hear was "buy LING YAO brand LING YAO cosplay and eat LING YAO brand penuts! which are un-salted so you haf ta buy LING YAO brand LING YAO salt!" he plugged his ears and moved along.

HUZZAH! the end of part 3!

**Authors note**

**im happy about my review 4 the 1st one from 1 Selim fan, but im pretty cheesed off that no one commented but them yet! COMMENT OR PERISH ****BLEEP****IT! anyways, have a nice day, oh and Mikis obsessed with solitare, a game for the lonely. like her.**


	4. Chapter 4

The Edward elric coma part 4:

_HALLOWEEN_

...

"WOW! A edward elric action figure! And ta make things better, I get out of the hospial today!"

"Selim, go try on this costume."

"NO! I'M GOIN AS EDWARD ELRIC, YOUR FRIENDLY NEIGHBOHOOD ALCHEMIST!"

As Selim gestured to his gorgeous, gleaming, cool, awesome blond hair couldn't help but notice all his realilistic, small, big, and medium Edward elric gifts. Not 1 gift was anything but EDWARD ELRIC! Meanwhile, Ed and Maria ross were...

Prepping for that night, which happened to be Halloween. Edward dressed as Edward Elric, And Maria as spongebob squarepants. Meanwhile, Everyone in amestris under the age of 30 was...

Buying candy for the trick r treaters that raveged their homes for candy and pudding cups of the chocolate flavor. Waiting for some lunitic to come along, they pulled out their adorable mini loaves of bread. Meanwhile, Al was, well,...

"MWA HA HA HA HA! I KNOW HOW TO GET BROTHER! HE ALWAYS TRICK R TREATS ON ALCHEMY AVENUE! I SHALL CATCH HIM AND HE WILL NEVER LEAVE ME AGAIN AND HE WILL WEAR THE PAJAMAS I SEWED FOR HIM!"

The proper time to trick r treat came along and everyone set out.

"YAY! Trick r treating! I'm gonna get lots of candy and edward elric merchendice!"

"HAH! I'm Edward Elric dressed as Edward Elric!"

"Roy is such a child. Now I, Riza Hawkeye of all people, have to take him trick r treating!"

"I hope I don't get attacked by Chupa cabra again..."

"I will catch brother! Mwa ha ha ha :M"

"I hope this spongebob outfit dosn't make me look fat."

"Jack the ripper is some guy named LING YAO?"

As they all wandered off, ready for their jobs. As they all met on Alchemy Avenue, Al hiding in the bushes, All ready to get what they wanted, when they wanted it, they unsespectantly strolled into the sunset modestly...

"Look Maria, our first victim!"

"Brothers heading this way!"

"I want edward elrics autograph!"

" ~Jack the ripper~ La lalalalala la li la la la~..."

"I'm ready! I'm ready!"

"Stop sniffling like a baby Colonel, I accidently shot you. It wasn't purposefully..."

"Riza turned into chupa cabra! (whimper whimper whimper sniff sniff) AHHHH!"

As they all stepped onto Alchemy avenue, everything happened practicly at light speed. Selim asking for Eds autograph, Al diving for Ed, Riza shooting Chupa cabra, Mei chang wandering throough the area for no reason, Maria Ross Trick r treating, Maes hughes screaming JACK THE RIPPER OR LING YAO! And, in the end, awesomenaruto saving Ed from lunitic alphonse at the last minute. As everyone was still doing whatever, ed and awesomenaruto escaped to awesomenaruto's house.

"Are you awake Ed? I made mini loaves of bread for you and got you pudding cups of the chocolate flavor" "Dude, who are you?'' "I am awesomenaruto, who saved you from a halloween tragedy."

As Ed and awesomenaruto continued on in their conversation, it got later and later until they had to go to sleep. With Awesomenaruto leaving the room, ed de-braided his braid and got into his incredibly fluffy bed. Laying on his side ed could feel the cool metal of his steel right auto mail arm. After turning out the light when he finished reading a book he had, Gone With The Alchemy, he fell into a deep sleep.

"HA! I'll bet brother and his buddy didn't think i could track them down. BUT I DID! Mwa ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ah ha ha ha ha ha!"

As Alphonse "silently" blew up the wall containing Edward, he then rushed in to get ed but then noticing that awesomenaruto was standing in front of his bed with a huge, shiny, Turbo, nucular powered bazooka. Talking a few steps back, he then decided to go throgh the front door. This time he succeded. Then he took Ed to the Rockbell residence to stick his brother in their panic room. He had a control panel outside of the room and 888 cameras all focused on ed. He put ed on the even fluffier bed and said "Goood night!" leaving ed in the locked panic room.

That morning after Ed was force fed breakfast, Al left to see how he would react. Instead of flipping out like a total maniac, he started singing.

"~The stars lean down to kiss you, but I lie awake and miss you, pour me a heavy glass of atmosphere~..."

When he was finished with Vanilla twilight, he started in with another song.

"~Hot and dangerous if ur one of us then roll with us. Cuz we make the hipsters fall in love~...

After finishing with We r who we r, he started in with a even stranger song.

"~Hey hey you you i don't like ur girlfriend! No way No way no its not a secret~...

Al was very happy that he caught brother so he would have Winry bake an apple pie for brother.

Oh Noooooooooooooo! Its the end of part 4! ToT

Ahh well, wach ya gonna do about it? Cry? Many thanks to all my fans. the ones in Every country that they're in!

**Authers note:**

**Im sooooooooooo happy I got another reveiw! I guess my only ****TRUE FANS**** are 1 Selim fan and aewsomenaruto. *-* not cool people. **


	5. Chapter 5

The Edward elric coma part 5

Ed was trapped in the mysterious ppanic room, and happy he finally found Al, was not so happy about the strait jacket. When suddenly Ed heared the sound of a running Xingnese price. Meanwhile, LanFan was...

"I cant find Young lord Anywhere! I'd be for sure he was in this ramen shop!"

Then looking down at her 88 empty rice bowls and thinking hard, she then decided to order several more forgetting about "Young Lord" who at the moment was "silentlly" blowing up the wall coontaining ed.

"I am LING YAO! Buy LING YAO brand LING YAO cosplay! Come Ed! To Xing!"

As Ed and LING ran off, Al walked in ready to feed ed his adorable mini loaves of bread and pudding cups of the chocolate flavor. Gasping in frightfull, ungodly, unadulturated terror.

"Ohh no! Brothers gone! :(! Hey look! a fuzzy panda! :3!"

"WOW! Edward elric got ednapped!"

As selim shifted through his candybag for his favorite candy. Suddenly Izumi curtis popped out of his candy bag and slowly backed up swirling her hand in front of her face saying...

"You didn't see anything..."

... Like she as skipper from the penguins of madagascar. Suddenly Maes Hughes popped up in Selims favorite chair wearing a pinstripe suit drinking a martini.

"Ahhh, how I love the music of people dying."

Then he took out a pistol and shot Von Hoenheim, Who fell to the ground bleeding to death like a constipated weener dog that ran into a giant bubble wand. Then, out of nowhere, he was gone.


	6. Chapter 7

The Edward elric coma part 8

Ed looked up at the ridiculously fluffy, white, whispy clouds. Pauseing his mp3 from the hatsune miku he was listinig to. looking over,he saw roy strangling hoenheim. wanting to join in, he tripped over a pebble. Laughing, roy unhanded hoenheim, who stumbled into the road, got ran over by a 16 wheeler, then a 18 wheeler, then a flying ice cream truck hit im'. roy, weirded out by this, poked him with a stick and hoenheim exploded. meanwhile, maes hughes was...

Soooooooooooooooo... Mr. LING YAO wuzzup? just then, selim popped up and bashed a lamp over LING YAO's head.

"heh heh heh... sucker" he said then went home to watch adventure time with finn and jake. and so, Alphonse, still looking for ed,saw him over the hill side. so he scooped ed up and put him inside him.

"oh, brother your awake!"

" Your BEEP right about that al..."

Then, edward saw it. he was trapped in a room full of, of, of,of,of,

MILK!

"!" screamed ed, desperate to escape the milky terror. climbing walls, transmuting teddy bears, and dacing to weird al music, ed was still trapped.

"yeah... im kinda thirsty..."

With a deranged look on his face, ed turned and looked at the several bottles of milk. staggering away from them he hit the other wall.

"You'll never win. im not gonna drink you.

The end of part 7

**authers note**

**sorry i took so long to get this out... i wasnt really in a typing mood for a while. still going strong for that 88 revews thing ^-^. SO REVEIW LIKE CRAZY ****BEEP****IT! anyways, any of you seen soul eater or needless? really good. so is kaze no stigma, sailor moon, kinos journey, baka and test, ouran highschool host club, popotan and various others. just reveiw if you have seen those... especally soul eater (my fav) thanks!**


End file.
